Right now I feel really happy to be me.

I sleep through the night without the Halcion I used to, I am calmer and more confident. My posture is awful but my soul feels strong. I feel beautiful and excited for my future. I have a good job and I am doing well in school, being challenged both in and outside class.

Lately things have tested my self worth and value. I invest in people that I shouldn’t- not for the first, or the last time. However, that doesn’t  mean that I will ever treat somebody with bitterness just because one or two people haven’t been so wondrous.

Life can’t be tainted. If you let it seep into your soul limestone formations harden parts of you. You become brittle and unbending. I will never allow myself to be brittle, that would be the ultimate tragedy. People are good, life is somehow alright, even when curve balls come at a speed you never expected. Pools of blood appear but they fade. You have to just understand that it will be alright. Perhaps as a privileged white Western female that seems easy to say, but it’s true.

I am ready for summer, for being outside with SPF and picking raspberries and taking photographs for no reason. I’m ready for the county fair, for long drives as the evening comes, to hear the little bats cheep above my head in the dark.