Not all the REM cycles

I haven’t been sleeping well; the nights are humid, much more than I’m used to, and I wake often. Sleep comes easily but does not remain.

Moving somewhere new is a lonely venture. Being alone is often refreshing. I have felt exhilaration figuring out new routes to walk, at successfully navigating the town on the bus, at having my WiFi installed and letting a strange man into my apartment that I live alone in to do so without getting too nervous. I make food in my little galley kitchen and relish the fact that nobody can tell me how to do it- unconventional cooking methods seem to sprout here, but as long as the end result is delicious I don’t care (I may have been putting curry powder in a lot of random dishes just to see what happens).

Victoria is beautiful, but being here for school means that I have been attending a lot of school events and orientations. Forced social activities are awkward for me- I even said so out loud to some acquaintances. I hate being forced to ask people generic questions about their existence- I am much more in the state of mind where I’d rather ask “what are your favorite foods” or “tell me about a TV show you like” rather than discussing/doing the humblebrag about what folks are studying.

The humblebrag has a silently strong current in academia. It’s like a riptide- you don’t notice it until you’re in the water and the next thing you know you’re one hundred yards from shore and being dragged further out. Then you realize that you don’t want anything to do with this. I loathe it. People should be proud of their work, because often people have put so much of their life into it, but I am loathe to stand while people joke about their own awesomeness and insert it awkwardly into conversation. It’s uncomfortable and unnecessary.

Anyway, tomorrow is my program’s orientation, where I will meet more of the students in my MA program. There will be small talk, there will be free food to keep us there, and there will be lots of nerdy, neurotic nuts all trying to connect with other nerdy, neurotic nuts.


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