I didn’t leave my bed until 4 pm today. I woke up with puffy eyes after sobbing intermittently until about 2 am. So many of my friends and family have a lot to lose with this new order. I have been crying on and off today, sleeping a lot, and trying to not fear the worst. I am also quietly incubating a lot of rage I am excited to properly channel.

I finally crawled out of bed, put on a hat, and went outside. Thick fog had infested my neighborhood and as I breathed the air felt heavier. It was chilly and getting dark quickly. I knew I needed to be by the ocean.

The quiet lull of the waves, the clinking of large driftwood knocking together in the water, the sound of seagulls and the foghorns of large ships as they navigate the strait- these are the things that keep me sane.

I am in Canada, not home, right now. I wish I were home. I wish I were able to join a protest of Americans and actively voice my anger and feelings of betrayal. I will stay alive and loud out of pure spite. That small mess of a man, who has had everything handed to him, who violates women, who crows about his racism and sexism and bigoted ideas, has it coming. There are many of us who will refuse to accept him and his disgusting ways. There are many of us marching tonight, refusing to accept the status quo.